Orphan Andy’s – The Castro, San Francisco

Only a few things about America make sense to me.

1) You can turn right on red
2) Hot sauce
3) 24HR FUCKING DINERS
It was Pride weekend. It was also 2am. I’d just spent 90min in a club watching 4 dudes dance to Cher in tiny blue booty shorts, and I was getting drunk-hungry (drungry? Yes? Yes.)
Given the circumstances, what’s the best thing to exist right now?
Cue trumpets. It’s Orphan Andy’s 24hour Diner. And what was I going to order? A grilled cheese, with a side of mediocre pickles and a mouth full of leftover #pride glitter. Fuck yes.
This meal looks basic, because it was. A grilled cheese with pickles isn’t exactly going to win a Michelin star anytime soon, but sometimes life isn’t about bougie food stars (and Pride weekend definitely isn’t). It’s about cheese. And mediocre pickles. Going in my belly. While I’m drunk.
The french fries didn’t hurt either.

grilled cheese and picklesA dinner of drungry fucking champions

I’m totally ok if American Diners are the USA’s only valuable offering to the world. This one was adorned with spectacular decor and the wait staff were hilariously unamused by the Pride weekend ruckus rolling through. But at least it made for a sweet Instagram story.
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Pride makes everything look great
Find ’em on Yelp. Give ’em some love. This place is a Castro institution and I look forward to my next drungy 2am visit.

 

Gourmonade – The Mission, San Francisco

It was a day for discoveries. Today’s achievement? Gourmonade on Valencia St.

Unfortunately the situation that led me to this discovery, was watching a video online detailing yet another racists-calling-cops situation because apparently people of color are not allowed to do things. When I realised this situation had played out just three blocks from my house, I quickly decided that lemonade should be consumed and blogged about in support for Gourmonade.

Gourmonade is owned and ran by Vicktor Stevenson (see below), and their doors opened very recently (also check out their Insta right here)

Man holding lemonade

His wife designed the Gourmonade logo after his smile. *melts*

 

This place is dope for the following reasons:

1) The brew tastes amazing. I tried the Jasmin Palmer. It would also pair well with soda water or a Dolores Park picnic.
2) “Home of the $8 lemonade” – never have I witnessed anyone making an $8 lemonade so fucking enticing. Naturally, the debut of the $8 lemonade takes place on Valencia St amongst the overpriced stationery and obscure record stores. There is a delicious irony here that I really appreciate.
3) The packaging was ace.
4) Supporting entrepreneurs outside of tech. Supporting entrepreneurs who are not white. The owner of this establishment is doing great things and he’s hella charming.
5) Gourmonade also sells cookie dough, because why the fuck not?

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Lemonade in a lemon glass.

Show your support for local business, check this place out and enjoy some fucking lemonade! Also, call out your racist friends and steal their phones. Then drink more fucking lemonade.

What the hell, canned wine?

🥂So canned wine is a thing now?

I recently drank it on 3 separate occasions with absolutely no shame. WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE. My previous observations of canned wine have involved yelling and trash bins (people were in trash bins when it should have been the canned wine). Suffice to say, the Australian canned wine landscape was looking grim.

hand holding can

Maybe Australia just hadn’t caught up to can’o’vino sipping?

Well, I’m pleased to report that the Bay Area has done what it does best, and turned this questionable beverage from trash-bin to fridge-win.

This doesn’t mean that canned-wine drinking populous is oblivious to its preceding reputation. When I recently ordered some rosé with dinner at a respectable establishment, the waiter had to take a moment to choose his words… “Yes we have rosé, but… it’s in a can” he said as if he had just informed me I need to drink it from his shoe. It’s possible at some point in time, drinking wine from a can was akin to drinking wine from a shoe, but lucky for this guy I was ready and willing pay for wine served in a chic and recyclable matte-feel vessel.

Further observations: Canned wine is made for getting white-girl-wasted. Just look at that pink washed rose branding and matte aluminum feel. They even included fucking bubbles (!!!). I’m sure there are approximately zero straight dudes purchasing this stuff.

Wino notes: With the exception of this rosé in shoe thing, it’s likely you’re drinking canned wine at a picnic or festival. Meaning, trashy day drinking has now been made a bit more bougie. Note, they can also fit in ‘stubbie holders’, or ‘koozies’ as y’all Americans call them? (I had to google this). Perfect for stealth drinking, an added bonus.

Canned wine is a thing now. Time to embrace it.

 

Something happened and now I live in San Francisco.

That something being, employer decided I would be more useful to them if I worked in the same room with them. Not a completely unfair call.

So here I am. In the least sunny  part of California, grappling with America’s excuse for coffee. But I’m making it work.

Most of the Vulgar Foodie action is now happening on my Instagram (follow me!), but the most exciting reviews will be making an appearance here.

Stay tuned for more profiteroles and profanities!

 

Bowery to Williamsburg – Melbourne CBD

This post has been a long time coming.

Warning: I’m about to spend a few hundred words ranting about bagels and haloumi (two of my favourite foods), & why this New York style diner has made all my food dreams come true. I’ll also be introducing some new metrics to categorise my eating experiences into. Brace yourself.

Where do I even begin with this place… I’ve probably consumed food and/or coffee from Bowery to Williamsburg at least 50 times (not bad for someone who doesn’t actually have an infinite eating budget, despite what this blog may suggest). My place of employment used to be situated a casual 3 minute wander from Bowery to Williamsburg, just off Flinders St, and this led to the consuming of breakfast bagels on an almost-daily basis. This then also led to bagel runs on behalf of my entire office. They stock 5 & Dime bagels which are baked fresh just a few blocks down the street, and they smother them in delicious schmears that are guaranteed to give you a bagel butt worth twerking. My workplace was beginning to collectively develop some serious bagel butts, but then our office moved a few more blocks down the street and we developed a big case of the CBFs come our usual bagel breakfast time.

I’ve fallen so in love with 5 & Dime bagels that I’ll follow their stock list all around inner Melbourne, however I’m yet to encounter somewhere that gets the toasting/bagel-schmear-ration as good as Bowery does (perhaps with the exception of the 5 & Dime bakery themselves). Many Melburnians believe bagels are simply a bread roll with a hole in the middle, and I’m excited to see 5 & Dime changing these blasphemous ways.

Fast forward 12 months from my initial bagel discovery: I’ve only made a few visits back to Bowery, however 2 weeks ago I returned and saw something very new and very pleasing on their chalk board menu: A haloumi bagel, available at 2pm. I was stunned. Translation: Bagels had not sold out, and I could put one with haloumi in my face. Phenomenal.

My favourite bagels are the aptly named everything bagels, and on this day I managed to score the final one. Their lunch time haloumi bagel came with sweet potato, plain schmear, roasted bell peppers and basil. I also happened to enjoy this bagel with a friend who spent seven years living in New York, so she knows her shit about bagels. She approved.

The haloumi bagel got me hooked again. I returned again one week later to enjoy one more, and it was just as magical as the last time. Rolling Stones don’t know shit about the satisfaction this glorious meal could provide. I was also reminded upon returning a second time that Bowery serve a bomb-ass mac’n’cheese. See photos below for hunger inducing details.

Occupie Metrics:

Door to Beard Index:  Medium. Its CBD location amongst the fancy pants that work on Collins St mean there are more suits than beards. Also, tourists.

Coffee: They serve Padre Coffee, a roast I only recently discovered was super close to my Brunswick East digs. Only downside is they just serve one size, so not as helpful if you’ve had a big night or are falling into a bagel-coma. However Padre Coffee is good coffee.

Noms: Tops. They definitely serve the best bagels in Melbourne. Their menu can be a bit vegetarian-adverse at times but I’ve always found something that’s incredible and I will always return.

How poor will it make me? Extremely poor because you will want to eat there every day. Also, gym memberships can be pricy and that bagel butt isn’t going to work itself off (who am I kidding, I give no shits about bagel butts).

Is it instagram worthy? Yes, and it’s clear Bowery’s Instagrammers take themselves quite seriously. The #Bowerytowilliamsburg hashtag is looking fine.

Food blog fury: The only negative Zomato review is from someone who actually hails from Brooklyn, saying it’s overpriced and they could get a better sandwich for $5 back home. They should be reminded that the reason food prices are so cheap in the US is because the people making it are not earning a proper living wage and can’t afford basic health care. PS. Soz about your overpriced sandwich.

NEW METRIC- Occupie Enthusiasm: Does this get a ‘Fuck yeah’, a ‘yeah, alright’ or a ‘yeah… nah’?

Bowery to Williamsburg firmly sits in the ‘fuck yeah’ category.

Final thoughts: I absolutely adore this place. Bowery will always impress. They’ve also opened up another store in Hardware Lane which looks just as swish but also has the same menu (I was slightly disappointed by this). However they did swap some chicken for haloumi in their waffle special which made me very happy (see below).

Instagram

Bowery to Williamsburg Menu, Reviews, Photos, Location and Info - Zomato