Let me tell you about my plan to kidnap the chefs from Breakfast Thieves and keep them in my basement.
I mean what I meant to say, was the food at Breakfast Thieves is absolutely, mindblowingly incredible.
Tucked under a pretty fugly set of apartments, is this super cool, somewhat rustic little cafe that has well and truly won my heart. I had brunch here last week with my brunch bestie Chloe, and it changed my life. Despite my initial disappointment that the menu did not feature any avocado smash (my all time fav), the menu is really creative, and made myself & my brunch bestie wonder how people come up with these incredible meals (to which someone kindly reminded me that “people actually go to school for this stuff”).
This was my Friday morning breakfast. It’s called ‘The Leprechaun’, and it involves corn and basil fritters on cauliflower and pea puree on toast with eggs. It must also contain heroin. I spent the rest of my Friday chasing the dragon and hoping to re-experience the magnificence that was this meal, but instead I found an extremely substandard burger in the CBD and went into withdrawal (#RegrettableLifeChoices). The soy chai latte I ordered alongside this meal was also fucking tops. You know when cafes bring out really bad chai lattes that are nothing more than some frothy and slightly sweet milk? This was not like that in the slightest. It was Christmas in a teapot and it was $4.50.
The next morning I awoke to a mild hangover and an empty stomach. There was only one answer to this situation: go back to Breakfast Thieves.
‘The Breakfast Chain’
This is what Chloe the brunch bestie ordered on our first visit, and it’s what I ordered on my second. Anyone that knows me, knows that I have a serious addiction to cheese (sorry vegans) so this one was automatically a winner. Plus the eggs and yummy crumble, Breakfast Thieves had lived up to my memory from the previous day. I’m not much of a food critic so can’t really explain much about this meal other than it was well rounded and fucking delicious.
DBI: Unknown- I was too busy focusing on how amazing the menu was to notice any beards. There were probably quite a few though.
Coffee Snob rating: The soy chai latte was the nectar of Gods. I’m sure the coffee is somewhat similar.
Noms: I don’t think I could make it any clearer. When I die, I will go to heaven and feast on this cuisine. The menu is also vegetarian friendly, so 100 extra points.
How poor will it make me? Meals range from about $12-20. Standard Fitzroy prices, but it will definitely make you poor because you will definitely keep returning with your wallet and your mouth wide open.
Have a look at their aesthetically pleasing yet mostly useless website at: http://www.breakfastthieves.com.au/